It's only a matter of months before our country gets knee deep into the business of electing a new president. To be quite frank with you, I dread it. It's not that I don't have a passing interest in who runs our country... "contraire mon fraire"...you can bet your sweet glutimus maximus after the year Ye Old Fat Bastard is having...that I do care who's wasting all my hard earned money that Uncle Sugar takes from me in taxes. It's just that I don't particularly like all the hypocrisy and phoniness of most of the candidates and the fact that we have to endure our leisure time watching all those negative, attacking political adds that leave me mentally fatigued. We will spend the next year being inundated with commercials and ads that try to convince us, that certain Americans have the right stuff to be POTUS...I don't need that headache.
Being that my political and religious affiliation are one in the same, AMERICAN, I thought I would bring a refreshing, unique and unbiased approach in nominating my own candidate for our country's highest office. Now, this isn't a "Randy of the Redwoods" type of endorsement. No...no...no. I'm deadly serious when I say I want this particular individual to run for president...it's just that he has far more important things to accomplish in the real world that may prevent him from leading our nation out of this current mess we find ourselves in. My guy is T-Roy, actually it's Troy...I'm the only goofball that calls him T-Roy.
I've known Troy from our time spent working together at the RBC Center as Suite Hosts. We have had some great times rooting for the Carolina Hurricanes and it was his passion and enthusiasm that made me a certified "Caniac" and fan of hockey. That magical season in '06 when Rod Brind'mour hoisted up Lord Stanly's BIG ASS CUP will always stand out to me and Troy was there to cherish the excitement and nervous energy of winning a game 7 in what is officially known as the "Loudest House in the NHL." Man, writing about that event doesn't even come close to actually having been a part of it like we were...truly a great memory.
What makes Troy such a great candidate? To start, he has all the qualifications such as honor, integrity, passion and loyalty that all Americans want in a president. I could go down the list as to what makes him "the guy," but you only need to know one thing about Troy. Shit happens around this man. I don't mean shit gets done around Troy, although it is a well documented fact that he is a hard worker and probably has 3 part time jobs to go along with his primary gig as a teacher; he's also a wonderful husband and father of two beautiful girls. I mean literally, shit happens around Troy that defies all reason and logic. Seriously, this guy can walk into a bar and start a chain reaction so bizarre that the National Guard has to be activated just so Law and Order can be restored. I'm not trying to imply that Troy is a hard-luck guy and that a rain cloud follows him everywhere he goes...on the contrary, he's popular and well liked...he has such an engaging personality that people feel comfortable around him...and...then strange shit just seems to happen. There was the time he almost swallowed his uvula, (the bell shaped thing-a-ma-gig that hangs from the roof of your mouth) when he was in the hospital, or the time when we decided on the spur of the moment to "tailgate" after work with just a six pack of beer. His Liquor Distributor Neighbor/friend just happens to call and asks Troy to drive his SUV home... to our benefit it's loaded down with booze, steaks and a grill. You'll be hard pressed to top Troy when he walks in and starts out with, "you won't believe this shit!!" Troy has "been there and done that" ten times over. Bad stuff doesn't always happen to Troy...in fact, it usually turns out pretty good. Which is why this makes him a perfect candidate for President of the USA.
Troy has this uncanny ability to turn everything into a positive experience. Call it what you want, luck, skill...Johnny on the Spot. Regardless, he's the right guy for what ails this nation. Basically we need a "Rabbits Foot." That's what Troy is. Troy may not have the support of either the House or the Senate when he's elected but I'm willing to bet that before the session ends he'll have the gallery singing "Lola" in bipartisan harmony. He probably won't have the political savvy or military experience to handle something as easy as invading Mexico, but I guarantee you...it will be one helluva a party and the end result would probably be the Drug Cartels shutting down their drug trade!! That's how bizarre and wonderful it would turn out.
There is something else that uniquely qualifies Troy as a bonafied Presidential candidate. He and his lovely wife Beth, are parents to a child of Special Needs. Grace, there oldest daughter is autistic. The wonderful thing about them is that they do not let autism define them as a family. Strangely, you wouldn't know this about Troy upon meeting him; he's the absolutely most upbeat person I have ever known considering his circumstances. I'm embarrassed to say that I could never equal his enthusiasm on a day to day basis. I would dare say that dealing with the travails of the presidency pale in comparison to life in Troy and Beth's home.
I don't feel sorry for Troy....seriously, I envy the hell out of him, which is why I would walk over hot coals for the guy, but the only thing, outside of an occasional beer, that he's ever asked for, is that I support the charity that directly benefits their child Grace...The Autism Society of North Carolina. They sponsor a 5k run/walk every year in Raleigh where one of the teams is aptly called, "Walking for Grace." I can bemoan all the crap that has happened to me this year and I don't have the resources or time to give a lot, but you'll find "The Big Dog" downtown again this year as he runs to support these wonderful people. I ask all of you to join me...come down and meet Troy and Beth...it's a huge event, a party will definitely break out and I'm sure some galactically cosmic event will take place near the vicinity...don't fret though, it's only Troy...running for president and it's all good.